How to make time for (ahem…) self-love

Hit it, hit it, hit it, hit it, get it, get it, get it, get it...

When we’re swamped at work, overrun with responsibilities in our personal lives, stressed, and sleep deprived, often the first thing to get taken off the list is pleasure. Even if you find time for sex with a partner, you may not prioritize time for sex with yourself as much as you normally would. So here’s how to carve out space for solo sexy time when you’re struggling.

1. Schedule it

Just like you’d put time on your calendar to see a friend, put time on your calendar to spend with yourself, your favorite toy(s) and/or fingers, and some lube.

2. Optimize the time that you’re already alone

Since the beginning of the pandemic lots of people have felt like they’re literally never alone, but the truth is most of us are actually sometimes alone, even if just for short periods. Depending on your sleep schedule, you may have a little time to yourself late at night or early in the morning—take advantage of this time by skipping your usual slow breakfast or exercise routine one day, or by watching one fewer episode of Love Island. Or, there’s always the shower or bath, where lots of people like to masturbate anyway!

3. Take advantage of opportunities that arise

Partner out to dinner with a friend? Kids at soccer practice? Roommate on a date? You may feel like you have 15 other things you should be doing with that alone time, like cleaning your house naked, but honestly, what could be more important than taking care of your own pleasure while decreasing your stress level and generally putting yourself in a better mood.

4. Invest in toys that get you off quickly

While we’re not always going for speed, and it can be nice to really take your time and savor every minute of pleasure, that luxury isn’t always possible. Sometimes you just need to get off and get on with your day. So investing in a toy that works really well for you can allow you to masturbate more often since you can squeeze “me time” into even the briefest windows of time.

5. Talk to your partner about it

If you live with your partner and feel like you’re never alone in the house or apartment, you may have to (gasp!) directly ask for what you need. You could simply say, “Hey, could I have the apartment to myself for an hour or so sometime this week?” No other explanation is necessary if you don’t want to give it! They should understand, and this may even open up an honest conversation about both of your needs and desires.


P.S. The toys don’t have to just come out when you’re alone. Here are some tips for bringing sex toys into partnered sex too.

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