Let’s face it, cats are better than men

Be honest, you already know. In your heart of hearts, you know. You don’t need that man, you just need a cat. Here’s why.

1. They will exterminate any and all bugs for you

You don’t have to scream, jump up on furniture, beg, or convince them that that shadow on the ceiling really, definitely, for sure is a spider. They already know it’s a spider—in fact, they already ate it.

2. They will never leave you

Unless you leave the front door open, but that’s totally understandable.

3. They always smell amazing

The fact that cats smell like heaven is one of life’s great mysteries, considering their food smells nasty and all they do is lick themselves head to toe all day long. Somehow they end up smelling like warm laundry, pancakes with maple syrup, and sunshine. Axe body spray doesn’t come in those scents, and cats don’t come with fragile egos, so…

4. They’re grateful

You don’t know what it feels like to be appreciated until you have a cat winding her way around your ankles, purring at top volume, simply because you may or may not give her a treat. Does a man look at you like you’re the most beautiful angel who ever walked the earth every time he smells tuna?

5. They’re never going to cheat on you

Sure, they may like one or two of your friends, but it’ll never get past a pat on the head.

6. They’re always happy to stay in

You’ll never have to feel bad about wanting a cozy night in (or wanting every night to be a cozy night in) when you live with a cat. Your sweatpants, candle, hot chocolate, blanket on the couch dreams can come true every single day.

7. They’re the best snugglers

Cats will give you the best snuggles you’ll ever get. They are there for the pure pleasure of it, and they won’t hold back. A cat will rub his cheek on your cheek, burrow into your neck, stare soulfully into your eyes while purring aggressively, and then fall into a deep sleep with one paw resting on your cheek. Like…what are we missing here?

8. They’re true protectors

When was the last time you saw a man jump up at the slightest sound? Cats can be dead asleep, positively limp, and if a leaf gently falls from a tree outside your window, they are ALL OVER IT. And let’s face it, the only thing men offer protection from is…men. That’s circular logic, babe. Don’t let them trap you with their marketing tricks.

9. They will listen to you talk about your coworkers endlessly

Sure they may yawn, they may fall asleep, but they’re cats so it doesn’t count. If a man yawns while you’re talking about your work drama? Nah, we’re done.

10. Your parents will love them

Unlike the majority of men you may introduce your parents to, a cat will never say something stupid that makes your parents hate him for the next five years.