Sexting 101: What to do and how to do it

There’s nothing—NOTHING—like getting a (wanted, consensual) spicy text from someone you like. The naughtiness! The thrill! The surprise and delight! And if you’re in a long-distance arrangement with someone, sexting can be one of the main ways you can keep the spark alive. But both initiating and responding to sexts can be super intimidating. We’re here to help you understand the fundamentals of sexting so you can dive in.

1. Ease into it

First, make sure your partner not only consents but is excited about sexting. Then when it’s time to set the mood, start with light, playful messages to make sure your timing is good. Compliments and subtle hints are a great way to flirt your way to the more explicit stuff.

2. Build anticipation

Start creating a sense of anticipation. Gradually build up the intensity of your messages, teasing your partner and leaving them wanting more.

3. Use descriptive language

Try painting a vivid picture with your words. Describe what you’re wearing, how you’re feeling, or what you’d like to do to or with the other person. The more detailed and imaginative, the better.

4. Share fantasies

Sharing your fantasies can be really exciting. and it can also deepen your connection. Be open and honest, and encourage your partner to share theirs as well.

5. Don’t limit yourself to words

Pictures, videos, and voice messages can add a new dimension to your sexting. Always ensure that your partner is comfortable with receiving and sending this content and that they know it’s private so they don’t open it at work.

6. Respond quickly

If you’re one of those types that enjoys leaving people on read—YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE—either don’t do that when you’re sexting or maybe just don’t sext. The last thing anybody wants to do is put themselves out there and get silence in return. If you’re busy, a quick message to let your partner know you love what they just said and to tell them when you’ll be free again can keep them eagerly waiting.

7. Be thoughtful about privacy

Lastly, be mindful of the platforms you use and the security of your devices and your partner’s. Another key part of respecting the other person’s privacy is not sharing their texts with anyone else without their explicit consent. Hopefully that goes without saying, but just in case someone needs to hear that.