Good reasons to turn down a second date even if the first one wasn’t bad

Don’t talk yourself into saying yes

Let’s set the scene: You just had a first date. It was…okay. Not fireworks, not a disaster, just fine. But they were nice, and you think maybe you could like them at some point. When they ask for a second date, it would be so easy to say yes because you feel guilty saying no, because you feel like you should be dating more, because you can’t really come up with a “good reason” not to, or any number of other reasons that don’t have to do with actually wanting to go on a second date. But sometimes, even if there weren’t any serious red flags, there are still good reasons to say “thanks, but no thanks” to another meet-up. Here are a few:

1. They’ve already planned their wedding (spouse: TBD)

This one actually is a red flag. Or at least a yellow one. Even if you did like the person, if they care more about just getting down the aisle than they do who is standing at the end of it, that should give you pause.

2. The conversation was as deep as a kiddie pool

If the deepest you dove was discussing weather patterns or the latest reality TV drama, and trying to find a deeper connection felt like pulling teeth, consider this: Do you want to endure another two hours of small talk? If not, it’s probably wise to skip a second date.

3. They’re talking about your grandkids

It’s one thing to be forward-thinking, but if they’ve picked out the names of your kids by the end of the first coffee, you might feel like you’re in a race you didn’t sign up for. A little too fast, too soon can feel more overwhelming than romantic.

4. You found yourself looking at your phone a lot (or wanting to)

It’s rude to be on your phone during a date, but let’s be honest, if your phone provided more entertainment than your date, it’s a sign. Sure, they might have been nice enough, but if the most thrilling moment of the night was getting a high score on Candy Crush while they were in the restroom, it’s probably not a love match.

5. They don’t seem to appreciate your sparkling personality

If they didn’t react to your sharp wit or that hilarious story you told about your last family reunion, what are you even doing? A shared sense of humor is crucial—it makes the good times great and the hard times easier. If they’re not laser focused on you because they think you’re the most fascinating creature they’ve ever met, then why bother with a second date?

6. Your friends gave the thumbs down

Sometimes, your friends know best. If they met your date or you gave them all the details and the group chat verdict was a hard no, it might be worth listening to their wisdom. After all, your pals want the best for you, and friends can sometimes see red flags we might otherwise miss.

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