It’s never too late: A guide to coming out in your 20s and 30s

Coming out can be a pivotal moment for LGBTQ+ folks at any age. It often comes with a range of emotions that can feel even more intense if you’re coming out for the first time later in life. Whatever you’re feeling, know that it’s valid and you’re not alone.
Here’s a little advice to help you navigate your coming out era and make it your own.

You’re not late. You’re right on time.

In our society, coming out is often seen as a teen experience. But the truth is, having your queer “a-ha” moment later in life is more common than you’d think. Although many people come out by age 22, we’re seeing greater visibility and openness to people coming out well into their late 20s, 30s, and beyond. Take, for instance, public figures like Elliot Page, Sasheer Zamata, and Jerrod Carmichael, who all opened up publicly in recent years about their sexuality and gender identity, showing there’s no specific age or perfect time to come out. Whenever you feel ready to share is the right time.

You’ve already done the hardest part—coming out to yourself!

There’s no clear-cut path to accepting your sexuality or gender identity. It’s okay to give yourself grace and space to process this new understanding of who you are. Feeling a mix of emotions—relief, panic, excitement, and uncertainty—is normal. Just because you’ve come out to yourself doesn’t always mean you’re at a place of full acceptance. For some, it can be hard working through the shame or stigma that unfortunately comes with the anti-LGBTQ+ attitudes, policies, and norms we’ve grown up with. Honor the emotions coming up, be patient, and most importantly, give yourself compassion as you find a home within yourself. Therapy can also be a helpful way to unpack those feelings in a supportive environment.

It’s okay to set boundaries.

This is your life, and you get to narrate your story however you want. If you’re unsure where to start, it may be helpful to make a plan and identify your boundaries in advance. Think about what you’re comfortable sharing and with whom. Get clear on questions you’re okay answering and what information you’re cool with others sharing about you. Coming out doesn’t have to be a grand announcement (unless you want it to be).

If the idea of coming out to everyone in your life is overwhelming, starting with a few people who make you feel safe, loved, and seen can be a way to ease into things. Sharing the news with a smaller circle you trust to love you no matter what can be a rewarding experience.

Lean on your (queer) community.

Leaning on community during life’s transitions can be a helpful part of our lived experience. Don’t be afraid to ask your loved ones who accept you unconditionally for support. If you don’t have that community (yet), know there are queer people out there who understand your experience and can offer loving advice. Check out online forums, support groups, and apps designed specifically for making new friends and discovering queer IRL events in your area, like Lex, Skip the Small Talk, and queer clubs that post events on Instagram. Being held by a community of LGBTQ+ folx can be a validating experience, in person or online.

Age can be a benefit, not an obstacle.

Coming out later in life can sometimes feel like you’re late to the party. But with age often comes greater self-awareness, independence, and freedom. As you’ve grown older, you’ve also likely had experiences navigating relationships with loved ones and learning how to communicate with them. The skills that come with maturity and life experience can be a benefit to your coming out journey, so give yourself some credit!

Embrace the beauty of the firsts.

It can feel embarrassing, exhilarating, and scary experiencing “firsts” you haven’t felt in years. It might feel like you’re playing catch-up with those quintessential queer experiences other LGBTQ+ folks your age have already worked through. Spoiler alert: no one, no matter their age or identity, has it all figured out. Embrace your baby queerdom! That feeling when someone uses your pronouns correctly or calls you by your name (and not your deadname) for the first time, those first date butterflies, or the pleasure of your first queer sexual experience—these firsts can be scary but are also opportunities for the love and pure joy you deserve.


Remember: your identity is valid regardless of the experiences you’ve had, and you don’t have to prove your queerness to anyone. Coming out is for you, so take the time you need to explore and define your identity.