Thinking about meeting someone IRL for the first time? Read this first.

Talking to someone new can feel exciting, confusing, and kind of intense all at once. Whether you met them on social media, on a dating app, or some other way, it’s totally normal to be curious about meeting up in person.

But before you do, it’s worth slowing down and checking in with yourself. The point is not to kill the vibe with overthinking but to prioritize your safety, your comfort, and your ability to stay in control.

Is meeting up right now something you really want?

Before you say yes, ask yourself this question. Not what you think you should want. Not what the other person wants. Not what your friends think you should do. Just do you want it.

Ask yourself:

• Am I excited in a good way or mostly nervous?
• Do I feel like I can say I’m not ready to meet in person yet without them getting mad?
• Have they said anything that has made me uncomfortable, even if they played it off as a “joke”?

If something feels off, don’t ignore that feeling. You don’t owe anyone a meet-up just because you’ve been talking.

Do you really know who this person is?

As we unfortunately know from hearing catfishing stories, people aren’t always honest online. It may seem like this person would never lie like that, but it’s a good idea before meeting anyone to ask:

• Have you video chatted?
• Do they seem consistent about who they say they are?
• Is there someone you both know in real life who can vouch for them?

If someone refuses to video chat, avoids answering basic questions, or gets angry when you ask for more details, that’s a huge red flag. Trust that.

Is this meetup actually safe?

If you decide you do want to meet someone you met online, it should only be:

• In a public place (like a coffee shop, mall, or park)
• During the day
• Around other people

Never meet for the first time:

• At their house or your house
• In a car
• Somewhere private or hard to leave

Does someone else know your plans?

Tell someone you trust what your plans are. It could be a friend, a roommate, a sibling, or really anyone who knows you well and would actually check in if something felt off.

Before you meet up, make sure they know:

• Where you’re going
• Who you’re meeting
• When you expect to be back

That way, someone you trust has your back.

Do you have a way to get home?

You should always be able to leave on your own.

Make sure:

• You’re not relying on them for a ride
• Your phone is charged
• You have money with you in case of emergency (and it’s a good idea to bring some cash along, not just rely on being able to swipe or tap to pay)

Someone who cares about you will care about your safety. Anyone who pressures you to meet in private or ignore your instincts is not looking out for you.

You deserve to feel safe, respected, and in control. Always.