Guinness World Records to make you squirm

Based on this list, we cannot decide if being the Guinness World Record fact-checker would be the coolest job or the most shocking. Either way, we’re sure it would never be boring.

Most Frequent Sex: Australia’s male scaly cricket can have sex over 50 times in a three to four hour span. With the same lady cricket. (BTW, we really hope they use cricket lube. #ouch)

Largest Penis: It’s 13.5 inches long when erect and it belongs to Jonah Falcon. (Now go measure your arm to compare. Then shriek when you realize how big that actually is.)

Smallest Penis: It’s 0.39 inches. That’s smaller than the width of a dime.

Biggest Vagina: It was 19 inches and belonged to a Scottish lass named Anna Swan. She died in 1888, but still holds the record.

Strongest Vagina: Tatiata Kozhevnikova, a 42-year-old from Russia lifted nearly 31 pounds with it. We probably could do 31 pound curls with our arms and she’s lifting that much with her snooch!

Most Kids: Valentina Vassilyeva set the record for birthing the most children (by a single woman). She gave birth to a total of 69 children. (Bet she had a hella strong vagina too.)

Oldest Father: An Indian farmer named Nanu Ram Jogi holds the record for fathering a child at the age of 90. (They believe he has at least 21 kids.)

Longest Masturbation Session: Masanobu Sato did it for 9 hours and 58 minutes. Did his hand go numb? Did he ever bring himself to completion? Was someone there to verify the whole time? So many questions.

Biggest Orgy: It happened in Japan and included 250 men and 250 women. In the same room. Doing it at the same time.

Most Hugs Given In 24 Hours: Jonathan Sexton gave out 8,709 hugs at the Bonnaroo Festival in 2010. Wonder if he got to hug The xx, LCD Soundsystem, Chromeo, Weezer, or Phoenix? They were all there too.

Longest Kiss: A Thai couple broke the record by locking lips for 58 hours, 35 minutes, and 58 seconds. (Anybody else wondering how they ate—and peed—during that time? It was over two days!)

Longest Marriage: Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher were married for 86 years and 9 months. Ahhhhhhhhhh! Bet they could kiss for 58 hours back in the day.

Does all this talk of Guinness World Records make you want to set a record of your own? Go for it. Just remember the birth control if you need it.


P.S. Considering a new form of birth control? Hear about it from real women and men who use it.

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