5 things you need to know about having sex when you share a space

It's possible to be a good roommate and have a hot sex life.

Ahhh, roommates. When you’ve had a terrible day and don’t want to be alone, they’re right there with yummy takeout and glorious Netflix. And when you meet someone new and wanna get it in? Your roommate is right there with shitty takeout and stupid Netflix. So how do you keep your sex life hot and your roommate relationship cool? We’ve got tips to help you navigate the awkwardness.

1. Remember sex is normal. It’s tempting to think sex shouldn’t be discussed. But you’re sharing space, so you’ll want to talk about it like any other potential issue. It’s not a moral problem, it’s a logistical one. It might seem awkward to bring up, but remember sex happens. And you can talk about with almost anyone (here’s how).

2. Set some rules. There are no right answers about what’s appropriate, and everyone’s comfort level is different. For instance, you and your roommate might agree to set limits on overnight guests per month. Or you could both pick nights where one of you magically disappears. Maybe you can do what you want when you want, as long as you keep it in your room. Or if you share a bedroom, maybe sex is restricted to shared spaces like the living room or shower. Whatever rules you set, it’s important to make them together. Aim for an agreement that feels comfortable for you both.

3. Keep it (at least kind of) quiet. Even after you and your roomie work out a schedule, they may literally hear your every move, grunt, and groan when they’re around. Playing music can drown out sex noises, but try to be considerate. Music is still noise. (Don’t despair. Being quiet can be sexy.)

4. Rearrange furniture. Silent sex is helpful, but you can also design your space to maximize your privacy. Whether you share an actual bedroom or an apartment with thin walls, move furniture and create nooks to make the most of whatever personal space you can get.

5. Schedule a check-in. Life happens—work gets stressful and midterms sneak up. Don’t be afraid to revisit the sex policy you put in place. In fact, regular roommate meetings are a great way to address everything from cleaning schedules to happy hours (and, of course, hookups). Initial rules will make things clear, but check-ins will keep resentments away.

Just like pumpkin spice lattes, chunky sweaters, and cute boots, cuffing is officially in season. So before you grab your winter boo, work out the details with your roommates (and make sure your birth control is covered).

Keep it sexy and considerate,


P.S. If your parents are your roommates, we’ve got tips for that too.

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