6 ways self-love can lead to better sex

Feeling yourself every which way

Your partner makes a move with all the lights on, and suddenly all you can think is “they’re going to see my stretch marks.” You want to get on top, but then you think, “I won’t look good from that angle.”

You know what you’re not thinking while you’re thinking these things? Anything remotely sexy. Wouldn’t it be nice if instead you could be thinking about what feels good and how to get more of it?

Here’s how self-love can help you get there:

  1. Finding people you admire on the internet who look like you can help you build the confidence to go after what you want, sexually and otherwise. Respectfully and consensually only, of course. There are self-loving, body positive models, bloggers, and activists of all shapes, sizes, sexual orientations, gender identities, skin tones, and features. If you need help getting started, check out @ihartericka, @bodyposipanda, @theslumflower, @alokvmenon, @lvernon2000, @scarrednotscared, @winnieharlow, @annieelainey, @thesassytruth_, and @themilitantbaker, but look for influencers who look like you and watch them loving themselves and each other. We’re pretty sure you’ll notice what absolute babes you think they are. And if they’re hot and they have the very features you fret over on your own body, then why aren’t you also hot?

  2. Feeling yourself might just lead to, you know, literally feeling yourself. That can be awesome for boosting your body image, lowering your stress level, and helping you learn more about what you like so next time you’re with a partner you can tell them what you want.

  3. Not needing to look like someone else all the time in order to feel sexy frees you up to have sex whenever you want. (Check out which birth control methods are ready when you are). You don’t need two hours to remove body hair, put on makeup, or god forbid roll on some kind of dystopian sausage casing that’s squeezing the life out of your organs. Your bare face is beauty itself. Your raggedy old underwear is hot as hell because you’re in it.

  4. Finding a method of birth control that really works for you is a true act of self-love. And getting on the right method for you can help you relax and enjoy sex more, without the VERY distracting worry that you might get pregnant or get an STI.

  5. Taking no sh-t from yourself means taking no sh-t from anyone else. You’ll realize you deserve a partner who actually LIKES YOU. Trust us, there’s no hotter sex than sex with someone who knows what you look like and can’t get enough.

  6. Thin, white, cisgender beauty ideals are tools of the patriarchy and of white supremacy, and we can all agree those two things are the biggest buzzkill ever. THE END.

P.S. In case you’re wondering about this, body positivity and self-love aren’t the same thing, even though a lot of people use these terms interchangeably. Body positivity is a political movement that centers the experiences of people with marginalized bodies and is focused on making the world safe, accessible, supportive, and fair for them. Self-love is a personal journey that can have political implications, but it’s more inward-focused.

Written by Lauren Kernan, MA

Lauren Kernan is the Director of Content and UX Strategy for Bedsider and Abortion Finder. In her spare time, she can be found sewing or starting and giving up on various other crafts.