10 things you can do rn (without getting a ton of shade) because you’re not pregnant

Go ahead, wash down that deli meat with some vodka

Don’t get us wrong, getting pregnant can be totally rad when you want it to happen. Equally rad is not getting pregnant when you don’t want it to happen.

As we prepare our hearts, minds, and uteruses (uteri?) for Thanks, Birth Control Day this Tuesday, November 13th, we’re presenting you with 10 things you can do with reckless abandon when you’re not pregnant that you can’t do when you are without getting LOTS of commentary from strangers:

1. Down a bottle of wine.

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Hey we don’t RECOMMEND this, but no judgment either.

2. Spend an irresponsible percentage of your disposable income on clothing for yourself.

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Treat yourself.

3. Eat raw fish.

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And bean sprouts and turkey sandwiches and soft cheeses. So many soft cheeses.

4. Play contact sports.

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Whether it’s tackling on the rugby field or MMA boob kicking, you do you.

5. Take a hot, hot bath.

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Or get into an even hotter hot tub.

6. Report any stranger who touches your stomach for assault.

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Technically, you could do this whether or not you’re pregnant. Just saying.

7. Clean the litter box.

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8. Take teratogenic medications to your heart’s content.

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(Or, like, probably just take as prescribed.) Retin-A here we come!

9. Pound triple espressos.

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With or without a candy cane chaser.

10. Have no idea what you’ll be doing in 9 months.

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Probably not much.

So yeah. Thanks, Birth Control Day is pretty much every day.


P.S. Share the love for your BC method this Tuesday, November 13th, using #ThxBirthControl.

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