By now surely you’ve all had a chance to watch Bridgerton on Netflix. If not, we would request that you to stop reading this, cancel all of your plans for the rest of the day, and start it right away. It’s not perfect—far from it, actually—but it is a delicious distraction that will transport you to a very different time and place. Inspired by its many, many, many steamy scenes, we’ve put together this list of sexy and totally reasonable things you can do this weekend.
1. Slowly pull a satin glove off your hand
Not only will your partner go into immediate convulsions of lust upon seeing you do this, but you yourself will not be able to stand how sexy you are once you unveil your forbidden…hand.
2. Masturbate in a castle
Have some free time on your hands? Why not put those hands to good use? Take or leave the instructions from a duke.
3. Hold hands while promenading
Oh how the people of the ton will talk!
4. Sit right next to your partner at the dinner table
Okay, not RIGHT next to each other, but only like 3 feet away, max!
5. Punch a lecherous creep
This is probably the sexiest thing you’ll do all year. As a different man comes running towards you to rescue you, just clock the sex offender yourself.
6. Have sex on one of those rolling library ladder staircase things
Or just stairs if you don’t happen to have a library in your apartment. Or even a bed could work in a pinch.
7. Make out in a hedge maze
Really any kind of labyrinth will do. Maybe you could make one out of your stockpile of toilet paper!
8. Discuss family planning decisions with a prince
If you can’t find a prince, your partner will have to suffice, untitled though they may be.
9. Waltz breathlessly in the rain
Once you’ve had sex in every corner of your grand estate, we’d recommend you cap off your weekend with a surprisingly jaunty waltz, with or without high drama and tears.
P.S. All of the above suggestions are fair game, but please, whatever you do, if someone says stop while you’re having sex, stop. Not stopping is assault. And forcing someone to ejaculate inside you is reproductive coercion. Not a good look, Daphne!
P.P.S. In case you were wondering, the pull out method is actually 96% effective when executed perfectly. But doing it perfectly is not easy to do, and it’s only 80% effective the way people typically do it.