In honor of Mother’s Day, we’re celebrating all types of parents and caregivers in all their multi-faceted glory. If you have a small human living with you, you know that they are worse sexy-time blockers than your college roommate when she had mono. But we think you deserve to get laid if you want to, and we’re going to help you make the magic happen.
1. Get a babysitter who will take the kids out of the house
Even taking them to the park for an hour. Even taking them into the backyard for an hour. Just anywhere that isn’t standing in the bathroom staring at you while you try to poop.
2. Get used to having sex quickly
Foreplay is a luxury reserved for people who don’t have kids (just kidding, sort of!). Consider investing in a high-powered vibrator so you can get from zero to almost too ready in 5 seconds flat.
3. Learn to love daytime sex
This is one benefit of working from home, if you’re still doing that. And if your kids are doing in-person school nowadays, that’s even better. Find and optimize those rare windows of time where you and your partner both don’t have any meetings. It may be 11:15 on a Wednesday morning, but go for it, friend. Now is not the time to be picky.
4. Consume a lot of caffeine so you can stay up past 8 pm
We’ve heard that there are actually people who stay awake after the kids go to bed. We don’t know any, but if you’d like to try that out, all we can say is that you’re going to need a bigger Contigo.
5. Set aside check-in time with your partner so you might actually want to have sex with them
There’s nothing like parenting during a pandemic to make you question all of your life choices. Making a little time to talk about something other than logistics and stressors can help you get in the mood again if your libido has left the building.
6. Look into Nugget After Dark for inspo
We’ll just leave this here in case you missed it.
P.S. Don’t want any more adorable little people running around your house ruining your furniture and your sex life? Find a birth control method that works for you.