How to talk about using condoms without making it weird

When you see sex scenes in a movie or TV show, they almost never show the real talk that happens before the clothes come off. Imagine this: you’re the main character, things are getting hot and heavy with someone you’ve been dating for a while, and the goodbye kiss turns into a steamy makeout sesh. Before long, you’re headed from the doorstep to the bedroom. They pin you against the wall, the desire is rising, and sex is definitely on the table. But wait! What about a condom?

In the movies, you ask your hot date about it, and they magically pull out a condom, and the screen fades to black as both of you make your way to the bed. No pause. Hardly any conversation. Just everything working out perfectly.

But in real life? Talking about condom use can feel awkward or embarrassing. And that’s okay. It’s a normal part of building trust, showing respect, and taking care of each other. Below, we’ll get into how to make that conversation feel more natural…and maybe even a little sexy. But first, let’s talk about why condoms are important and worth the chat with your partner in the first place.

Why use condoms?

Using condoms is a great (and oftentimes cheap) way to have safer sex. When used consistently and correctly, condoms can significantly reduce your risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Condoms also work really well at preventing pregnancy. When used the way most people use them (because no one is perfect), condoms are about 87% effective at preventing pregnancy.

And when it comes to pleasure, condoms have come a long way within the past decade. Newer designs of condoms focus on feel, not friction. Condoms are available in different materials, textures (like ribbed and studded), colors, and even flavors. Some are even edible and glow-in-the-dark! TLDR; you have options, and many of them are there to make sex feel even more pleasurable.

How to bring condoms up (without the awkwardness):

There’s no rulebook for talking to your partner about condoms and safer sex. And your approach to the conversation depends on the relationship dynamic. The key is to have the talk before sex, ideally, earlier on in the relationship rather than later.

If you’re not sure how to start, try one of these conversation openers, whether you’re talking to a casual fling or future long-term partner:

1. “I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind because I care about you.” ➡️ Focus on using “I” statements and positive language that reflect your desire to have safer sex. It’s all about showing connection, not control.
2. “Where do you see this going with us?” ➡️ Use a DTR (define-the-relationship) chat as an opportunity to talk about what condom usage looks like for you both.
3. “What’s your usual STI testing routine?” ➡️ Asking a general question can create a more open-minded and curious vibe for the convo, opening the door for more authentic, honest responses and mutual responsibility.
4. “Do you have any other sexual partners?” ➡️ If you’re not sure about where you stand in terms of monogamy, clear communication is the way to go, especially before sex without condoms.
5. “If we are going to have sex, we’re going to use condoms.” ➡️ Sometimes the direct approach is best. It leaves no room for confusion about what kind of sex you’re willing to have or not have.
6. “My friend was telling me about someone who wouldn’t use a condom…” ➡️ Sometimes taking the indirect approach can be helpful too. Sharing an example may make it easier for you to express your values.
7. “Is there a certain kind of condom you like to use?“ ➡️ This conversation starter brings curiosity and collaboration. It’s a great way to chat with your partner about different condom brands and types, including internal condoms.

If the conversation does get awkward…

Ideally, your partner will be open and understanding. But there’s also a chance they might seem caught off guard, surprised, or even a little defensive, especially if they hadn’t thought to bring it up themselves. If that happens, it’s totally okay. Just calmly explain that this isn’t about mistrust or ruining the mood. It’s about taking care of each other. You’re bringing it up because it matters, and because feeling safe is a must.

Finding the right words can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be. No matter what kind of sex you’re having, conversations like these are important. Talking about condom use shows respect for yourself and your partner, and sets the tone for open, honest communication moving forward. It might feel a little awkward at first, but it’s a small step that makes a big difference.