Tempted: What to do when you feel like cheating

We can be happy, content, caring, and loyal, and it can still happen. We’ll develop feelings for someone else (who isn’t our significant other). We’ll flirt. Maybe we’ll fool around. The harsh truth is cheating can occur even in the best relationships. If you’re thinking about giving in to temptation, it might help to first consider this:

Are you really happy in your current relationship? Don’t think about why you should be happy. Seriously ask yourself if you truly are happy. If the answer is no, maybe your attraction to other people is an indication that it’s time to end your relationship and move on.

Do you feel trapped, angry, ambivalent, or rebellious? These may be signs that you’re not into it any more. Breakups aren’t easy, but ending things before cheating can ease your conscience quite a bit.

Would cheating give you something you’re not getting in your relationship? Sometimes things grow a little cold or boring, and we need more. More excitement. More time together. More communication. More signs that you’re both into it. More intimacy. More hot sex. More new experiences to share. Before you cheat on him, try asking your partner what you want. He might understand. You might find what you’ve been missing. And nobody gets hurt.

Are you sabotaging something good? We are complex, beautiful creatures and sometimes, for one reason or another, we mess with a good thing. It can be about self-esteem or something unresolved from our past. Take a moment to distance yourself from everything and ask what’s really happening here.

Are you afraid of losing your guy, so you’re subconsciously trying to leave him before he leaves you? Are you creating relationship drama because that’s what you grew up around? The point is to reflect and see if there’s something going on in your inner world that could use some attention. Sometimes talking to a trusted, compassionate friend or professional can get you clear about what you really need, before you jump into a tryst.

And should you have a hard time answering any of these questions, don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to make time, communicate, and keep the trust intact. If after that you’re still drawn to the affair, just remember this: The truth usually comes out. So be prepared to face that when it happens.

The course of true love never did run smooth,

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