No to yes. Yes to no. What to do when attraction changes

First there was the kissing, licking, snuggling, shagging, restless nights apart, and torrid reunions even if only 11 hours passed since you last saw each other. Or maybe it started out with you thinking you would never, ever be attracted to them. They turned you off or elicited no reaction at all.

Then… One day… BOOM! Your feelings switch. Like a WTF straight from the heart (or your peck peck). Of course, it can also be more gradual, but the point is, physical attraction can go in reverse even when you love someone or think they’re a really great person. Here’s how to deal with that.

No to yes. You’re now into this person
Do you want to make this work? Yes or No.

If yes: We’re going to assume you didn’t rudely blow this person off or painfully reject them. (If you did, you have some wooing ahead of you to build trust.) If you politely declined advances in the past, this is your chance to flirt like you mean it. Feeling bold? We recommend sending a clear message expressing your interest by asking this person out. (Hell, get all YOLO and do it even if you aren’t feeling bold.)

If no: OK. But why? If they’re in a relationship we totally get it, but if the coast is clear, are you sure you don’t want to go for it? Because you deserve pleasure and love and hooking up with the Lust-of-Your-Life and everything in between just like the rest of us. Try not to fear rejection or write it off before it has started. (Here’s how guys do it and we kind of like their approach.)

Yes to no. You’re no longer into this person
Do you want to make this work? Yes or No.

If yes: Here’s how to have the “I’m no longer attracted to you” conversation with the hope of improving things. Here are a few ways to increase sexual chemistry and attraction. And Psychology Today says looks matter when it comes to long-term physical attraction, but you could also try being more playful. But to be a bit more serious, counseling and communication could be a good thing here.

If no: You might be looking at a break up. Before you do that we have to ask, are you sure you don’t want to work on it? There’s stuff you can do to spice things up if you need to. Is there emotional, spiritual, or intellectual attraction between you? Counseling may help bring back the attraction. But, if you’re really sure that your relationship is over, we hope your heart—and theirs—aren’t too bruised. (But read this in case it is.)

Whatever stage your relationship is in, don’t give up on your birth control. Attraction has been known to surface when you least expect it, so always be prepared.


P.S. 2013 will be here soon. Perhaps it’ll be the year you upgrade your birth control to a more effective method.

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