Waiting for “the one”? How to let that go and find love

Confession: We love love. Romance too. We’re suckers for love stories and we cry at weddings.

So it’s going to sting when we admit that we don’t really believe in soul mates.

To clarify, we don’t believe that there’s just one soul mate out there who is meant to complete you, love you, and fulfill you. You might find heart-melting, bed-rocking, well-matched love with just one person—and if that’s what you want, we hope you do—but searching or waiting for one perfect soul mate can postpone a lot of happiness, growth, and relationships.

Look at it this way:

  • Research found that thinking you’re with a soul mate adds a lot of pressure. Couples who think they’re destined to be together often believe their relationship should be a blissful, harmonious dream, but sooner or later everybody fights over something. And when conflict happens between people who think they’re soul mates, it tends to shatter expectations and lead to greater disappointment.

  • While this is a teensy bit depressing, what about soul mates who lose their mate? Are they destined to be alone and without love for the rest of their life? No. People can find love again and again. It might never be the same love twice, but romantic, life-jolting, super-hot love is a renewable resource.

  • You’re complete right now, on your own, whether you have the ideal partner or not. We totally get that it can feel uplifting or spiritually fulfilling to be with someone who elevates your life and challenges you to be the best version of yourself. But truthfully, you don’t need one special person to have this experience. Many people, including friends and family, can inspire deep contentment or you can nurture it yourself.

  • If you spend all your time looking for the perfect soul mate, based on some idea of “the one” or a checklist that may or may not even exist, you might miss out on a lot of wonderful experiences along the way. One of those experiences might even end up being the love of your life, so try not to put off joy or love just because someone doesn’t fit the notion of a soul mate.

Now, if you do find everlasting love with one other person, we’ll be the first to cheer you on. We’ve seen it. We know it’s possible. We know that some relationships do seem meant to be. We’ve also seen people let go of the idea of “the one” and open their life to more relationships and love than they could have ever imagined.

Whether you believe in soul mates or not—whether you’re in a relationship or not—we wish you health, happiness, and just enough adventure to keep things interesting.


P.S. When it comes to getting an STI from oral sex, we have good news and bad news.

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