Top 5 places where you’re definitely going to run into your ex over the holidays 🙃

Hope you weren’t planning to leave the house

Headed home for the holidays? Ready for some thick ass socks and hot chocolate? How cozy! How festive! Good thing, too, because you won’t be leaving the house. As soon as you do, there they will be, the ex, just waiting to give you a hug and ask sincerely what you’re up to these days. You’ll freeze, you’ll try to remember where all the exits are, you’ll try to pretend you can’t see them full-arm waving at you, you’ll leave your body. Better just to avoid the following places altogether:

1. The grocery store (including the far one)

This is the number one most dangerous place to go when you’re home for the holidays. If it’s not your ex, rest assured it will somehow be the class president chatting with your bio teacher in the cheese section, and they’ll be SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU!

2. All of the bars

Did they always drink so much? Did you? May want to explore that with a therapist. But in the meantime, your ex is going to be doing picklebacks all night at the exact bar you were going to go to. Oh, you think you can just go to a different one? No problem, they’ll be there too. Safer to drink at home.

3. Every holiday party

Your aunt’s gingerbread house decorating contest? They’re there. Your neighbor’s coven’s winter solstice cookie exchange? They’re waiting by the food and also by the bathroom door. Again, just drink at home.

4. The gas station

Just don’t go get gas. You’re not going anywhere anyway so you shouldn’t need it.

5. Your front yard

Didn’t you hear they picked up cross-country running? How nice for them! And how exhilarating for you when you dart out to get the mail in pj shorts and an oversized sweatshirt from 6th grade and there they are.

Good luck out there.


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