Headed home for the holidays? Ready for some thick ass socks and hot chocolate? How cozy! How festive! Good thing, too, because you won’t be leaving the house. As soon as you do, there they will be, the ex, just waiting to give you a hug and ask sincerely what you’re up to these days. You’ll freeze, you’ll try to remember where all the exits are, you’ll try to pretend you can’t see them full-arm waving at you, you’ll leave your body. Better just to avoid the following places altogether:
1. The grocery store (including the far one)
This is the number one most dangerous place to go when you’re home for the holidays. If it’s not your ex, rest assured it will somehow be the class president chatting with your bio teacher in the cheese section, and they’ll be SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU!
2. All of the bars
Did they always drink so much? Did you? May want to explore that with a therapist. But in the meantime, your ex is going to be doing picklebacks all night at the exact bar you were going to go to. Oh, you think you can just go to a different one? No problem, they’ll be there too. Safer to drink at home.
3. Every holiday party
Your aunt’s gingerbread house decorating contest? They’re there. Your neighbor’s coven’s winter solstice cookie exchange? They’re waiting by the food and also by the bathroom door. Again, just drink at home.
4. The gas station
Just don’t go get gas. You’re not going anywhere anyway so you shouldn’t need it.
5. Your front yard
Didn’t you hear they picked up cross-country running? How nice for them! And how exhilarating for you when you dart out to get the mail in pj shorts and an oversized sweatshirt from 6th grade and there they are.
Good luck out there.
P.S. If you believe like we do that everyone should be able to choose and use the birth control method that’s best for them, consider making a donation to Bedsider before the end of the year. We’re tackling birth control access with the Contraceptive Access Fund, which we’re launching in early 2019, and a gift to Bedsider can help cover the cost of getting birth control delivered directly to someone in need.