Here’s the thing about using a diaphragm for birth control in 2019: people often think you’re a little out there. That might be because the last time we saw a diaphragm in popular culture was when Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City fame got hers stuck inside her vagina and had to turn to Samantha for help to get it out. But even then, in the late 90s and early aughts, diaphragms just weren’t very popular anymore. And yet, I use a diaphragm. In fact, for the past four years it’s been my primary form of birth control—and I’ve never been pregnant. So what is a woman in her early 30s doing using a diaphragm, when there are more popular (and more effective) forms of birth control out there?

I spoke to four plus-size women—Chaya, Sarah, Liz, and Monica—and asked them to be as honest as possible about their experiences with birth control, including what has worked for them and what hasn’t. They talked about the stuff that surrounds the birth control convo that we almost never hear about. Here’s what they had to say:

In spring of last year, I finally got it: a referral to a surgeon to discuss my sterilization. I prepared my plea ahead of time: I’ve always been sure I don’t want to go through pregnancy and bear a child; if we change our minds, my fiancée (now wife) can have kids biologically; I have a bunch of kids in my life that I help care for already; and this would be gender-validating surgery for me.

This is probably news to exactly no one, but working kind of sucks. Even those of us lucky enough to have landed what we would call a “dream job” will attest to the fact that working is still work, no matter what. Anyone who says otherwise is an alien or an aspiring Instagram influencer and we recommend breaking up with them. But when work-induced misery starts to impact your sex life, that’s where we draw the line. Here are 7 ways to pull it back.