If you had a sexual experience that didn’t feel right or wasn’t what you wanted, you might have a million questions: What if I was drinking? What if we didn’t go all the way? What if I didn’t ever say “no”? Your experience is your own, and everyone’s story is different. Here are some things to consider.

Life’s complicated, and important decisions can take time. It can be tempting to ask advice from anyone and everyone, or just say “meh,” and go with the flow. But here’s the thing: some decisions in love and life can only be made by you—and sometimes going with the flow means you’re actually deciding not to take control of your happiness or your future.

While survivors and providers have been talking about birth control sabotage for a while now, many people are hearing about stealthing for the first time. We want to be clear: stealthing is not a sex-trend. It’s a nonconsensual act that increases a partner’s risk of pregnancy and STIs.

Maybe it’s a new relationship and you want to take your time. Maybe you’re just too tired tonight. Maybe they’re feeling frisky, but you’re really into a new Netflix series, or maybe one of you wants to use condoms and the other doesn’t.