Spring: that special time for budding flowers, the first rays of sunshine in months, and being chronically underdressed for the weather and therefore colder than you were in the winter. It’s also when we suddenly want to clean under the couch and throw away half of what we own for some reason. We don’t make the rules. But we do suggest that you save some of that spring cleaning spirit for your sex life. Here’s how:
1. Take stock of what’s working and what’s not
Loving the quality of sex with your partner but not the frequency? Or is the frequency good but you find yourself wishing for more foreplay? Loving the STI protection you’re getting from condoms but wishing for a method that’s more effective at preventing pregnancy? Whatever it is, write it down, then sit down with your partner or partners to talk through what you love and what you’d love more of.
2. Detox your digital space
You may not realize that your social media feed is impacting your sex life, but it probably is. If all you see day in and day out is fitspo or happy couples on vacation, your self-esteem and/or relationship may be taking a hit. Why not instead look at tiny animals or waves breaking in slow motion or whatever makes your little heart sing?
While we’re on the topic of your phone, are you still holding onto texts from old hookups? Emails from your ex? Unless someone is an active part of your life, consider whether having their digital presence in your phone is serving you or holding you back.
3. Clear your calendar
Now that your phone has been unburdened of the past, look at who’s taking up space in your life now. Do you find yourself wanting to share that space with them, and maybe even grow it? Or does your time together leave you feeling drained or bad about yourself? Time to make the tough cuts IRL. It might be hard, but it’ll make space for the people who are a better fit for you.
4. Freshen up your bedroom
Having a bunch of stressful crap in your bedroom can really kill the vibe. Get your computer and any work or school stuff out of there. And maybe even consider getting your phone out of there, at least for certain hours of the day or days of the week.
While you’re at it, take a look at how the room is decorated. Does it make you feel sensual and relaxed? Or does it make you feel like the walls are closing in on you? Declutter first, and then, if you can, it may be worth investing in a fresh coat of paint or some new bedding to help turn your bedroom into a sexy oasis of relaxation and pleasure.
5. Marie Kondo your sex toys
While you’re in the bedroom, take a cold hard look at your sex toys. Are you still in possession of the first vibrator you ever owned? If it’s still your go-to then wow, good for you, keep on keeping on. But if you’ve just accumulated sex toys that you only sort of like over the years and really just have the few you actually use, give yourself permission to thank them for their valiant efforts at getting you off and let them go.
6. Try something new
Now that your environment (digital and IRL) has been cleansed of all things toxic and/or stale, it’s time to bring in some new energy. Try a new sex position, a new toy, or just buy yourself some new underwear. Or maybe it’s time for new birth control?
P.S. Speaking of trying something new, are you thinking about opening up your relationship? Read this first.