What to do when you don’t like your best friend’s partner

Try these 6 things before telling them

It can be really hard and sad when you don’t like your bestie’s new boo. For so many reasons. Because you want better for them, because you can’t hang out with them as much as you used to, because you feel like you’re keeping a big secret from them now. The temptation can be strong to tell them exactly how you feel, but before you do, try these 6 things:

Make sure it’s not about anything else

Look, no judgment, we’ve all been there, but just really examine if there’s any jealousy going on about the fact that your friend is dating someone and happy and maybe has less time to spend with you than before. And if you’re currently single, examine if it’s triggering a feeling for you of being “behind” in life. Neither of those feelings are actually about not liking the partner.

Get past first impressions

People make bad first impressions all the time, and it’s not always a sign of anything sinister. People get hungry, tired, cranky, hot, cold, crampy, etc. and aren’t at their best sometimes—that’s okay. Unless something really egregious happened already, try to give this person a few chances before you decide you don’t like them.

Don’t catastrophize

Just because they’re dating doesn’t mean they’re getting married and having 4 kids! Think of all the people you’ve dated and ask yourself how many of those you’ve married and had 4 kids with. Probably not that many, if you think about it. There’s a good chance that if you wait it out, you’ll be the last person standing.

Face facts that they might annoy you because they’re just like you

Ever meet someone you really can’t stand only to later realize they’re just a more extreme version of you? Yeah. That could be happening here. Your friend likes you, and your friend likes them—just putting that out there.

Don’t say anything you’ll regret, even if they break up

We’re not saying don’t say anything ever under any circumstances. Obviously, if this person is abusive, that’s different. But if they’re just not your cup of tea, you find them kind of annoying, you two wouldn’t be friends if you met randomly, you should probably not tell your deepest truth. And especially, ESPECIALLY don’t let it all out if they break up, because they very well might get back together.

Focus on hyping up your friend

If you don’t like this person because you think your friend deserves better, the best thing you can do is spend your energy helping them build their self-confidence and sense of self-worth. Recognize that this is a journey they have to go on by themselves and they will only move on from this person when they want to. All you can do is love them.

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