How to build sexual tension after the honeymoon phase

Let’s face it. There aren’t many experiences more invigorating than sexual tension. The turn-on lies in the subtle electricity felt between two people who are attracted to each other. Picture the classic will they or won’t they scenario in your favorite rom-com. Think of meaningful glances between two coworkers that are so hot that they could melt a block of ice. Or imagine the couple that is going on a romantic trip together for the first time since having a baby.

But here’s the catch: while sexual tension comes naturally at the beginning of an attraction, it doesn’t automatically sustain itself. Familiarity, routine, stress, and daily logistics can dampen the spark that once felt effortless. Long-term partners often mistake this shift for incompatibility or assume the “honeymoon phase” is gone for good. In reality, sexual tension isn’t something that disappears; it’s something that evolves. When we understand how it works, we can learn to recreate the anticipation, mystery, and playful uncertainty that made it so intoxicating in the first place.

Here are some ways to get started:

Make the most of eye contact

When you’re flirting with someone you haven’t established a strong romantic relationship with yet, you might try the flirty little trick where you make eye contact and then quickly look away. And eye contact can still be hot, even after you’re in a relationship. Try getting your partner’s attention and then noticeably checking them out. You don’t have to be over the top about it and look at them like you’re going to swallow them whole. Just allow your gaze to briefly wander from their eyes to their lips (and maybe up and down their body, if they’d be into that).

Switch up your setting

The bed, the couch, and the dinner table are probably the places where long-term couples spend the most time together. For budding relationships, it’s common to meet for dinner or at a bar. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you can borrow from your past selves, try to break the cycle, and challenge yourselves to spend more time together in new places. Or try making the spaces you normally find yourself in feel different. Add soft candlelight and the scent of essential oils, play some slow music in the background, and maybe enjoy a glass of wine or champagne together. These are simple steps to set the mood and start to build some sexual tension.

Talk about what you really want and go for it

The longer you’ve known someone, the more intentional you might need to be to create sexual energy. Part of the process is learning new things about your partner’s interests and desires. Next time you see a movie with a sex scene, if there’s something you want to try in it, mention it to your partner. You two can also take the more direct approach and brainstorm specific ideas, like filling out a “Yes, No, Maybe” list.

Spend time apart

This might sound counterintuitive at first, but research shows that there may be some truth to the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” According to a 2013 study published in The Journal of Communication, physical distance between romantic partners can actually bring them emotionally closer because you are forced to communicate more. Plus, craving their presence is a great way to stir up some sparks.

Send naughty pictures, videos, or voice notes

During time apart, (consensual) sexting can help build anticipation until you see each other again. Try sending flirty messages or steamy pictures back and forth. Even sending sexy GIFs or pictures that you find online can be intriguing. Images can be used to start a sexually-charged conversation, using prompts like, “We should try this tonight,” or, “This made me think of you.” And sexting goes beyond images. Voice notes allow you to tap into your lover’s auditory desires. The sound of a lover’s voice (even if they are not talking dirty) can be overwhelmingly hot.

Remember, sexual tension is all about the suspense and the anticipation that hasn’t yet turned into physical intimacy, even when mutual attraction is clearly present. When we stop assuming desire should be automatic and start treating it like something we co-create, we can stimulate our relationships to feel electric. Not necessarily because they’re new, but because we’re actively choosing to see each other as exciting, evolving, and worthy of pursuit.