What Santa does the other 364 days: Getting to know Mrs. Claus
He gets most of the attention while she’s usually in the background baking cookies, pouring cocoa, and mending his famous red suit. But don’t be fooled by her sweet demeanor. Vixen was named after Mrs. Claus, if you know what we mean. Here’s how she heats things up this time of year.
- His north pole. Researchers say 1 out of 7 senior men use Viagra or other substances to improve sex. Not Santa. He and Mrs. Claus are among the 26% of people between age 75 and 85 who still have hot sex.
- Santa’s little helper. Yep, it’s a sex toy. It wouldn’t surprise us if Mrs. Claus found the Sweet Cakes Cupcake vibrator under the tree this year.
- Nutcracker. No marriage is easy, but being married to Santa has its special challenges. Maybe this is why she has to be a nutcracker sometimes: Santa is a Jerk.
- Have you tried The Stocking Stuffer? Snow Angel? Milk and Cookies? She may or may not have contributed to this article on Christmas sex positions.
- The Peppermint Stick. Not a sex position! This one is a holiday cocktail. Mrs. Claus has tried the 12 cocktails of Christmas and she recommends the Christmas Cookie.
Whatever you celebrate, we hope you are having fun this holiday season. And if that fun includes sex, we hope you’re enjoying your birth control.
Ho ho ho,
P.S. If you ever have a question about birth control, Bedsider is here to help you find the answer.
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