What gets in the way of good sex?

Truth: Nobody’s sex life is awesome all the time. Sex itself isn’t even awesome every single time. But, if you feel like something is getting in the way of good sex—something that you’d like to explore—take a look at our list of common issues and let’s see if we can help.

  • Mood. Here are 16 things you can do to get in the mood and here’s some info on depression and sex just in case that’s lowering your sex drive. (BTW, mild or seasonal depression is really common and very treatable.)

  • Stress. It doesn’t just decrease libido. It can end up ruining relationships, health, and even your body image. So try to de-stress. Starting now.

  • Fear. Are you afraid of criticism, disappointment, heartache, or rejection? That can get in the way of sex and loving relationships, but you can get past it, either on your own or with the help of a professional. For a taste of how good it feels to let go of the fear, imagine what you’d do differently—how you’d act or what you’d feel—if you feared less.

  • Unrealistic expectations. Do you have an unrealistic idea of what sex should be like or how your partner should act or how you should look? Things like magazines, movies, models, celebs, and the flawless images people post on Facebook can make us think our life isn’t good enough or sexy enough when it totally is. Reset your expectations to reduce disappointment in the bedroom and feel happier in general.

  • No privacy. Roommates getting in the way? You could always bribe them to leave. And if your kids are getting in the way of your sex life, here are sex secrets every parent should know.

  • No desire. Boredom in bed can flatline your libido. Here are six tips to jumpstart desire from our perspective.

  • Worried about a pregnancy scare. If your current method isn’t improving your sex life, please don’t settle until you find one that does. This matrix compares all methods to give you a quick overview of your options, and Bedsider has more info and answers to help you find your best method.

This is a short list, so we know it won’t address everyone’s concerns. If you want to explore what’s getting in the way of your sexual pleasure, you could start by talking to a doctor, therapist, or trusted friend. You could also reach out to the helpful people at San Francisco Sex Information—it’s free, anonymous, and completely nonjudgmental.


P.S. The time for getting health insurance is now. Here’s how to make it happen. Just be sure to sign up by March 31st!

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