Are you slowly being crushed by the pressures of adulting? Wading through life like you’re fording a river on the actual Oregon Trail? Drowning in your own life choices like Buttercup and Wesley in the quicksand of the Fire Swamp?
No problem! Who isn’t? We’re here to tell you that crippling fatigue doesn’t have to stop you from getting it on. You can have it all, girlfriend! Here are seven sex positions that require minimal effort:
This is great for when both partners are tapped out. Like a cuddle, but spicy. If you’re the receiver, just get in spooning position (laying on your side with your partner laying behind you on their side, facing the same direction) and then have your partner enter you from behind. This position has lots of possible variations that all require minimal effort, like pulling your knees up towards your chest or bending your torso down until it’s perpendicular to your partner’s torso. You can also try putting your top leg over your partner’s legs to pull them in close and achieve deeper penetration. The spooning position allows you and your partner easy access to the rest of your body, so you can get different types of stimulation while you get it on. There’s even room for a toy or two.
2. The cross
Another good position for two tired people, get into the cross by having your partner lay on their side facing you, while you lay on your back perpendicular to them, with your legs draped over their hips. Your bodies will form a “cross” shape. This is another great position for incorporating toys and different types of touch. You and your partner will easily be able to stimulate each other’s breasts/nipples/clitoris/perineum/testicles/butthole/whatever else you have that you want touched.
3. The right angle
Lay down on the bed (or table or whatever) and scoot your butt all the way to the edge with your legs hanging over. Your partner then stands or kneels in front of you, depending on the height of the surface you’re on, and enters you that way. This is another position that allows your partner easy access to the rest of your body.
Yeah this may be the basic B of sex positions, but if you’re the one on the bottom, it’s also the holy grail of fatigue sex. Just lie on your back while your partner does all the work. There are lots of variations that can make missionary feel surprisingly different, like wrapping your legs around your partner’s back or putting your legs up on their shoulders, but most of these will require more effort. To adjust your angles without having to perform acrobatics, just slide a pillow under your butt.
5. Mutual masturbation
This is great for when you’re both too tired to move more than hands, but it can also be a really unexpected way to spice things up. (Also great for if you realize you’re out of condoms.) Watching your partner masturbate can be a great way to get some visual stimulation (which you can also save for later).
6. Downward doggy style
We’re calling this downward doggy style but it’s more like comfortably napping doggy style. Instead of being on all fours with your partner kneeling behind you, like you would normally do for doggy style, you build a pile of pillows that you can rest your torso on. Bend over your pillow heap, with your butt up in the air. Your partner enters from behind, and they can also lay down on your back if they’re tired too.
The ultimate in low-energy sex (as long as you’re the receiver). Warning though: if it’s really good, you may learn the hard way that writhing in pleasure actually requires a lot of energy.