While Rosie the Riveter may be a classic feminist costume, anyone who’s ever had to pee while wearing a romper knows that there’s more to consider in picking an outfit than just the cute factor. Especially since you never know when the mood might strike. So here are eight Halloween costumes that will get you riding more than a broomstick.
Or Judge Judy, depending on who you’re trying to bone. Either way, you get to wear a flowy black robe, and no one needs to know whether there’s anything underneath. Plus you get to boss everybody around.
2. The Grim Reaper
See above re: flowy black robe and bossing people around.
3. A ghost
A sheet with eye holes cut out has much the same appeal as a flowy black robe, but with the extra benefit of being actual bedding. Always be prepared, just like the Girl Scouts taught us!
Our preferred alternative to the Catholic school girl costume that still enables you to wear a short pleated skirt—absolutely key when it comes to maximizing access and flexibility.
5. Regina George
If you’re less into combat boots and more into heels, take that black pleated skirt from the Daria costume and pair it with a tank top with boob holes cut out.
6. A condom
Relax, it’s just a tight dress that matches your skin tone. And also a flesh-toned beanie, but don’t forget to pinch the tip before you roll it on—that reservoir is there for a reason!
7. Netflix and chill
We can’t understand why everyone doesn’t have sex in this outfit—a baggy oversized t-shirt with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Or go all the way with a floor-length Snuggie. What’s not to like!
8. A two-person horse
Inside this glorious costume, you can actually be doing all sorts of sexy things WHILE trick-or-treating, especially if you can make your moans sound like neighs. Multitasking, b*tch!
P.S. Save the date! Thanks, Birth Control Day is on November 13th this year. We hope you’ll join us as we celebrate birth control, the one true GOAT.