Let’s be real, initiating sex can be hard. If you happen to be totally in sync with your partner all the time, then maybe it’s not, but that’s not reality for most people. It’s very easy to fall into a pattern of just waiting for your partner to initiate. This is especially true for women in heterosexual relationships because we live in a culture where men are expected to always want sex and women aren’t. But that’s not fair to anybody. So as a goal for 2020, consider working on building up the initiation muscle. Here are five ways to get started.
1. Talk dirty
If your partner’s language of love is, well, words, they might really appreciate verbal forms of initiation. Try telling them how much you want them, what you want to do to them, or simply describing how you’re feeling. Check out our dirty talk mad libs for inspo.
2. Straight up ask
This is always a great option. You can avoid any potential for miscommunications by simply saying, “Hey, wanna have sex?” It really can be that straightforward. If that feels intimidating to you, have a conversation about when your partner is most likely to be interested in having sex and how they’d like you to initiate so you aren’t just guessing.
Sexting is a pretty low-stakes way to initiate since if you get a “no,” you maybe won’t see that person immediately after and then you can just act like it didn’t happen. Also, texting allows you to communicate via emoji which even a toddler can do. So.
If you really know your partner well, this can be an easy way to initiate. For example, if you know your partner loves it when you come up behind them and kiss the back of their neck, then doing that may be a very simple way to get the ball rolling. Just keep in mind that touch isn’t a substitute for using words to obtain consent.
5. Schedule it
It may sound unsexy, but scheduling sex can be incredibly hot, especially if you’re otherwise not having sex as often as you’d like. It also takes all the stress and pressure out of the equation because no one actually has to initiate and there’s no potential for rejection. While you’re at it, schedule time to connect with your partner non-sexually to keep your communication and intimacy levels high.