Sex in the time of coronavirus

Everything you need to know before you self-quarantine

For most people, mortal fear is not a turn-on (though no judgment if it is for you). So you’re not alone if the stress and anxiety caused by the coronavirus (not to mention the simultaneous stress and anxiety caused by it being an election year) is leaving you more inclined to curl up in bed with some canned tuna than with another human. But humanity is nothing if not resilient. And locking your doors and refusing to leave the house could possibly have its benefits, like more free time to get frisky with nothing to distract you but your shelf-stable snacks.

While we don’t know yet whether coronavirus can be transmitted sexually (more on this below), we do know for sure that close contact with other people transmits coronavirus. So if you have coronavirus or your partner does, it’s best not to get anywhere near close enough to have sex (besides Skype sex ofc). But if you’re just worried about the general threat of catching it from people you have sex with, here are some tips:

1. Skip the sex parties

This is definitely not the ideal time for group sex. The more people you’re in close contact with, the higher your risk of catching the coronavirus.

2. Err on the side of caution and avoid other people’s bodily fluids

What you do with other people’s bodily fluids (including pee, poop, and breastmilk as well as vaginal fluids and semen) on a regular Friday is your business. As long as it’s consensual, we say: you go Glen Coco. But here’s the thing: we don’t actually know yet whether the coronavirus can be transmitted sexually. We do know that other coronaviruses aren’t usually sexually transmitted, but this particular coronavirus (COVID-19) is too new for scientists to know the answer to this question yet.

So because we don’t yet know for sure which bodily fluids can transmit coronavirus (besides mucus and saliva), we’d suggest erring on the side of caution and avoiding contact with whatever you can avoid contact with. Also, condoms and internal condoms are always a good idea since they’re the only forms of birth control that also protects against STIs.

3. Stick to Skype

If it’s good enough for your job or school, it’s good enough for sex. Skype your partner from the other room to keep your distance. Or even better, Skype from separate homes.

4. Get an Alaskan king bed

The epic Alaskan king bed, measuring 9 feet by 9 feet, will allow you to remain the full 6 feet apart while enjoying mutual masturbation or one of these remote-controlled sex toys.

5. Keep it cute and go solo

Eliminating the whole other human component of sex is also a good option. As always, sanitize your sex toys, especially if you’ve shared them with other people, and cover any toys you can with condoms. But generally speaking, since your vibrator can’t sneeze or cough, it should be a pretty good sex partner during times like these.


P.S. Some insurance companies are lifting limits on how many months’ worth of your prescriptions you can fill at once. Call your pharmacy to find out if you can stock up on your birth control so you don’t have to worry about running out if you’re stuck at home for a while. Or consider using telehealth to get your birth control delivered so you don’t have to leave the house.

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