Covid has taken so much from us. At the very bottom of that list are our social graces. We have all turned into slightly more disgusting (and let’s be honest, slightly more real) versions of ourselves. Which could be a good thing since it’s helpful to weed out people early on who weren’t going to like us when we got comfortable anyway. But it’s also nice to, like, sit in a chair and have someone bring you a drink and act like a real person for a couple of hours. So here are the skills you’re going to need to brush up on in order to do that:
1. Not talking about that weird thing you started doing during the pandemic
There’s a whole trend where people share the weird sh*t they started doing during Covid that now seems completely normal to them. Perhaps you’ve started making little finger puppets out of your cat’s hair. That’s fine! That’s great! At the very least, it’s fine. It’s just…maybe save it for the second date.
2. Not farting whenever you want
Probably the best thing about working from home is pooping from home—we can all agree on that, right? And from there, it’s an easy slide into farting absolutely whenever and wherever you like. It’s going to be difficult to get away with this when you’re back amongst other humans again, and even more difficult when on a date. Honestly, you do you though.
3. Physically extricating yourself from awkward situations
By now, we’ve all mastered the art of getting through 30 minutes of just about anything on Zoom. We strap on that smile and wait for the call to end, knowing that in zero seconds flat we will be alone in our sanctuary again. Getting out of an awkward in-person date sounds so much harder by comparison. You’ll need to dig deep to remember all your tricks, whether you’re a straight-talking “this isn’t working for me” person or someone who likes to fake an emergency phone call from your dry cleaner. When in doubt go with the tried and true “I think I hear my mom calling my name—gotta go!”
4. Making small talk
Apparently it’s weird to just sit in silence and not even bother trying? So when you go on a date, try soft openers like, “How was your day?” or “Where are you from?” Basically start with anything other than “Pfizer or Moderna?” and your date will be swooning over your conversational skills.
5. Wearing pants
They simply won’t let you dine al fresco two cheeks to the wind. Now, beyond the bare (lol) minimum of covering your critical bits when in public so you don’t get arrested, we recommend keeping it as loose and comfy as possible. This transitional time is hard and we don’t need waistbands digging in on top of it all!
6. Eating with utensils
Have you discovered the joys of eating with your hands during the pandemic? Turns out it’s a skill that doesn’t have to be restricted only to designated “finger foods.” You can eat just about anything with your hands. Except soup. But for better or worse, we’re headed back towards a time where we might not want to lick our fingers and ice cream bowls because other people will be able to see us. It’s going to be hard, but try to be brave.
7. Practicing basic hygiene again
This one goes out to those of you who stopped wearing deodorant during the pandemic and think that somehow magically you just don’t smell anymore. You do. You smell. :) But again, you do you!
P.S. With the return of dating comes the return of ghosting. Here’s how to cope.