We’ve been pretty clear about how we feel about most New Year’s resolutions around here, but we do make an exception for resolutions that have to do with prioritizing your own pleasure. So here are our top 7 ways to have the best sex of your life in the new year:
1. Stop waiting for someone else to give it to you
You don’t need a partner to have the best sex of your life. That’s right, you can have it all by yourself. And if you do have a partner, that doesn’t mean you should rely on them to give you pleasure. Your pleasure belongs to you and is your responsibility.
2. Try that thing you’ve been wanting to try
Want to see if a cervical orgasm is a real thing? Dying to know if you can squirt? It’s 2019, sis! It’s your time to shine! Trying new things while flying solo can be a bit easier and take the pressure off, which is key. If you want to try something new with a partner here are some tips on how to ask for what you want.
3. Stop having goal-oriented sex
Goal-oriented sex: you may never have heard of it, but you’re probably having it. Do you feel you haven’t REALLY had sex unless penetration has happened? What about unless you or your partner (or both of you) have had an orgasm? Yeah, that’s goal-oriented sex. It makes sense that so many of us would look at sex this way when we live in such an intense culture of productivity, and when the way we learn about sex in this country is super narrow. But it can be so freeing to start to look at sex differently. It can really take the pressure off and allow you explore different kinds of touch, sensations, and connection with your body and/or your partner.
4. Use toys to enhance your experience
Some people love strong, rumbly vibrations, while some want nothing more than what a lipstick-sized, battery-powered vibrator can do. Some people love a 12-inch dildo, while others find deep penetration painful. Have you ever heard that if it exists in the world, then there’s been porn made about it? Well, it’s kind of the same thing with sex toys/products. Whatever is your jam, there is a product out there designed to make it possible/easier/better for you. And the good news is, if you’re shy, you can order pretty much anything online. Gone are the days of darting through the aisles of the sex toy shop praying no one will talk to you.
5. Use birth control you can count on
Everybody knows stress is the number one mood killer. If you’re thinking about your evil boss or the bills you haven’t paid yet, you’re probably not feeling super sexy, right? So if you’re all in your head about how you might get pregnant or get an STI, it’s going to be hard to be in the moment, enjoying the sex you’re having. If it’s a worry for you, get on a birth control that actually works for you and your situation, not the other way around. It’ll take the stress out of sex.
6. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing
If all your friends are doing butt stuff but you just feel like your butt is a no-fly zone, that’s cool. On the flip side, if you love nothing more than some good booty play, that’s also cool. Who cares what anyone else is doing? There’s no such thing as too vanilla or too kinky. All that matters is whether you like it. If it feels good and it’s consensual, go for it!
7. Stop performing pleasure you don’t feel
Too many people spend years of their lives moaning wildly when really nothing much is going on. Tell your partner honestly what feels good. Don’t fake orgasms to make someone else feel better; have orgasms to make yourself feel better.
P.S. Ever heard of micro-cheating? Find out what it is and how to tell if you’re doing it.